I recently had an interesting conversation with a good friend. We were talking about relationships, friendships, the future and what we hope to find in a person on our respective pursuits of romantic happiness. Then he asked me, “T, what is the one thing in life that you aspire for, what is your goal? What are you working towards, where once you have it, you can say, I have finally made it?” He didn’t ask in so many words but this is how I internalized the question. There are many, in fact too many things that I want, but if I truly think about it, I don’t think all of those things would give me real peace if I had them today. They would make me happy and seasonally comfortable, but after a while I know I would be thinking “okay what’s next?” I started to think “I should answer and say a career that affords me enough money to live comfortably, maybe a nice house in a nice location, travelling around the world and of course doing all this with a great husband and kids”. These are all things that I want no doubt, but I thought to myself, “is this what defines me?” At the moment I don’t have these things so does that make me half a person, incomplete, short of success? I don’t think so, because if so, then I would be spending a large portion of my time feeling restless. And I’m not going to lie, I do feel restless sometimes, feeling as though I need these things. But in my more calm moments, I think, these things don’t define me, even though it would be nice to have them.
So what does? And my answer to my friend was “I love to connect”. If I could live my whole life forming relationships with people based on genuine connections that are not just felt, but are intentionally built, then I would feel like “I’ve made it”, not just someday but every day. This may sound like an easy task to do for some people, and yes maybe a little cheesy to. Which is understandable, but to me connecting is a rare encounter as I find that people don’t really connect in a profound way. People don’t see each other. Just having good times, good vibes, good punchlines and great small talk. I find this extremely exhausting, because it’s not real. It’s really fun at times, exhilarating, but it’s not real.
Though for someone who loves to connect, I don’t have many “best friends”. Mainly because I’m an introvert, but also because I don’t meet many people who I am able to be open with. My friendship circles are widely spread, very diverse, and if I brought all of them together, I don’t think they would all understand or even try to understand each other. The reason my circle of friends are so is because I am constantly searching for connections, no matter the type of person.
My friend didn’t seem very satisfied with this answer, maybe because it is hard for me to explain what I mean. But when I meet people who I can link with in a way that is not shallow, I am the happiest. That’s a form of success for me.
the selah booth 